The True Cost of Weak Boundaries.
A client of mine arrived at the session with that familiar, frustrated look on her face. She had been let down again. Another cancellation.
“Why does this keep happening to me? I feel like I can’t trust people anymore. Why does it feel like no one cares about others anymore?”
She was upset, confused, and disappointed.
And I got it straight away. I’ve been there too, many times. In those moments when it feels like you do everything for others and don’t get back what you feel you deserve.
But I also knew she wouldn’t benefit from me saying something just to make her feel better. That wasn’t what she needed, and it wouldn’t actually help.
So instead, I asked, “What if people disappointing you isn’t the problem, but the fact that you have a boundary problem?”
She went quiet, took a deep breath, and said, “Yes. You’re not the first one to tell me that.”
Yep. That’s the thing.
What shows up in our personal life has a way of showing up in our business life as well. Struggle with control, boundaries, or people pleasing, and you won’t be able to hide from it for long, especially when you step into leadership or run a business.
It’s easy to think business and leadership are about strategy, numbers, negotiation, and branding. But the real work is facing the parts of yourself you’ve been trying to patch up everywhere else.
For example, if you, like my client, struggle with boundaries and find that people don’t show up, don’t commit, or don’t take you seriously, chances are this isn’t just happening in your business. It’s happening in other areas of your life too.
It would make sense, then, to look at those boundary issues, explore how they play out across different areas of your life, and consider how you can shift them to create a different outcome. And of course, when you start pulling that thread, you might find those boundary issues are connected to something deeper.
Maybe you realise you struggle to set boundaries because you don’t want to be seen as difficult. Or maybe it’s because you seek approval by being flexible.
As you start pulling on those threads, not only do you become more aware of your patterns, which will ultimately affect how you do business and how you lead, you also begin to positively impact other relationships in your life.
Leadership and entrepreneurship are messy. If you’re doing it right, you will get it wrong, often. The difference is what you do with that knowing.
If you’re serious about succeeding, you don’t get to blame the situation, the market, or other people. At some point, it comes back to you. Your patterns, your reactions, what you’re not willing to face.
That’s what creates the conditions for integrated leadership.
Tell me... What’s been showing up on your entrepreneurial journey lately that you also recognise in your personal life?
Love,
Madelaine
If you are ready to go deeper into this work, there are currently a 3 ways to play:
1. 1:1 Coaching
For those ready to dive directly into the work:
https://www.madelainevallin.com/coaching-with-madelaine-vallin/
2. Integrated Leadership Intensive (June)
A small, focused group experience for leaders and people of influence ready to deepen their impact:
https://www.madelainevallin.com/leadership-intensive/
3. 7-Day Soul Tuning Journey (Free)
A place to begin, in your own time.
https://www.madelainevallin.com/experience/