Where Have All the Messy Humans Gone?
Is our pursuit of perfection costing us disconnection?
Hold on a minute… Did I go on holiday and miss some kind of global clean-up? Has the world had an upgrade while I was away, and suddenly everyone’s got their sh*t together?
Where have all the messy humans gone???
The ones who haven’t got it all worked out. The ones who haven’t got a perfect house or a perfect family. The ones whose children don’t just have those “perfect little tantrums”, but the ones where everything falls apart, where everything we thought we were supposed to do and how we were supposed to act goes out the window, and we find ourselves screaming at our children because we’ve completely lost control.
And what about the entrepreneurs who are willing to show you the 70+ hours per week they actually work to achieve their 4-hour workweek? The businessperson who can admit they’re struggling with sales, the coach who’s still working through their own stuff, or the health guru who actually hasn’t got their own health worked out…
Because the truth is… we ALL have flaws. And if we don’t acknowledge them, but instead try to hide them behind beautiful filters and a fake lavish lifestyle, we might never find what we’re looking for…
More and more, I look at the world and feel like we are diminishing ourselves by presenting increasingly polished versions of who we are, believing that somehow this is a good thing. But I’m starting to wonder… is it actually quite the opposite?
Because when we diminish ourselves in this way, when we don’t allow ourselves to be imperfect, to admit that we don’t know what to do or that we haven’t got it all worked out, we lose a part of ourselves. We lose a part of our humanity, and with that, some of our ability to connect with other people.
Why? Because deep down, we all know that none of us are perfect. We know that life isn’t always wonderful, that we struggle, make mistakes and sometimes have absolutely no idea what we’re doing. So when someone presents a seemingly perfect version of themselves, something doesn’t quite add up. We know we’re only seeing part of the picture, and even if we can’t quite put our finger on why, we can feel that disconnect.
And I actually think that when we’re so busy hiding those unfiltered, ruggedly human parts of ourselves, we’re not only missing out on connection with others, but also on the enjoyment of simply being ourselves and living our lives.
We spend so much time thinking about how to be perfect, how to be good, how to look nice and how to have it all worked out, believing that somehow this will make people like us. But what if we’re actually doing the opposite? What if, in trying so hard to be liked, we’re distancing ourselves from the very people we’re trying to connect with?
I think we should start letting go of this idea that our lives need to look so great and wonderful all the time, and start showing more of the different sides of ourselves. Maybe it’s time to celebrate being human and wear our imperfections on our sleeves!
Armour Dressed Up as Perfection
And perhaps that’s one of the reasons I love my work so much. I get to meet people beyond the armour they sometimes arrive wearing. And believe me, some people come with a LOT of armour dressed up as perfection! 😂
Sometimes that armour is so strong that they’re actually quite difficult to get to know, or even warm to at first. But as we begin to explore the different parts of who they are, something changes. I get to meet more of the person underneath, including those unfiltered, patched-up and confused parts of themselves that make us so wonderfully human.
And I love that! There’s something really beautiful about getting to know someone beyond what they initially show you. To me, coaching and therapy can feel a little like opening a present without knowing what’s inside. You don’t know what you’re going to discover, who you’re going to meet along the way or what you’re going to experience together. And I think that’s what makes it so exciting.
Because for me, that’s where the deeper connection begins, and where the real work begins too.
And I think something similar happens in our everyday relationships. When we allow ourselves to be seen beyond the polished versions we present to the world, we give other people a chance to get to know us more fully. And perhaps we also give them permission to show more of themselves.
Maybe that’s how we start feeling a little less distant from each other and a little more like we belong.
After all, belonging to others is a human need that we all share, and I think our pursuit of perfection can actually get in the way of that. It can stop us from belonging, not only to others, but also to ourselves.
So perhaps it’s time to be more human, more messy and more imperfect!
Because in a world where everything is becoming increasingly artificial, I think the antidote might just be taking those perfection filters off at times and showing who we really are.
And who knows… we might all feel better for it. 🙂
In the spirit of showing your messy, here are a few of mine:
One of many failed book attempts!
What my “music studio” looks like i.e my son’s bedroom!
I teach self-care… and still burned out…
Yep, this is me…. and probably you too…