Cultivating a Healthy Ego.
What preconceived beliefs and ideas have you heard about the ego?
Have you heard that you need to get rid of the ego, or at least diminish it, in order to be happy?
Have you been told that all people that are egotistical are self-centred and do not care about others?
Have you even heard that in order to be truly spiritual you need to remove the ego as it’s only job is to Edge God Out ( E-G-O)!
With beliefs and assumptions like this going around it’s no wonder we see our ego as a bad part of ourselves!
So why has the ego got such a bad rap?
There was a time in history when it was important and appropriate to talk about the importance of shedding the ego. At that time, we needed to evolve by letting go of the “me” and connect to something bigger than ourselves.
Of course, we still need to connect to Source, God, our Higher Self or whatever name suits your beliefs. However, connecting to something bigger than ourselves and cultivating a healthy ego is not at two opposite ends of the stick! It’s not necessary to get rid of the ego to reach the next level of self-actualisation. Instead, to get to the next level on our personal growth journey, we need to stop trying to crush our ego and fully embrace it.
It’s time to Integrate rather than Separate!
Ego-Integration has never been more important. Just like light could not be fully experienced without darkness, we can not be completely whole until we have integrated all parts of ourselves.
Our ego doesn’t need to be seen as an unwanted sibling to the higher-self. Instead, it can be seen as a trusted companion with a mission to help us on our journey through life. It can even help us on our journey towards self-realisation!
So how do we cultivate a healthy ego rather than an unhealthy one? It all starts with understanding what our ego needs.
The Dance of Human Desire
What I have realised, working with my own ego-integration as well as others, is that the ego tends to have 4 fundamental needs:
– To be Seen
– To be Heard
– To be Loved and
– To Belong
These needs are our ego’s fuel. In fact, they are so important to the human existence that without them we would not be human. In other words, these desires make us, well, Us.
When any of our human desires are not being met, you can bet your bottom dollar your ego will try anything necessary to satisfy those needs! Suppressing your basic human desires will only create further unhealthy ways to fulfil our ego’s need and encourage us to become greedy and respond to life in unfavourable ways. Remember, we have an innate need to feel heard, loved and seen no matter what. If we don’t attend to this in a healthy way it will express itself in anyway it can and soon enough we will cultivate a Lonely-Empty- Ego (LE-EGO).
When we look at our negative habits and behaviours, we need to understand that they are all expressions of a wounded ego desperate to belong, be heard, loved and/or seen. Therefore, cultivating a Healthy Expressive-Ego, or a HE-EGO, requires doing the inner work and shedding those beliefs and perceptions. Cultivating a Lonely-Empty-Ego on the other hand, or a LE-EGO, requires no work.
I used to struggle with a LE-EGO. For years I lived under the assumption I needed to suffocate my need to be seen and played small in order to please others. The problem was that my ego still needed to be recognised, so I fought my way through life desperate for recognition and love. This made me feel disconnected to my higher self, unworthy and unloved. All of which in turn forced me to work even harder to be recognised and loved. It wasn’t until I stopped and started to listen in to my deepest desires and accept those parts of myself I started to rise above this pain.
Working with ego-integration has made me see that the ego is a beautiful part of all of us here on the planet. None of us need to remove our egos but instead tend to them and listen to their desires and passions. Our ego is our creative expression, it’s what makes us different from one another, it’s the eclectic spices of life!
My thoughts and beliefs about my ego used to to hold me back, now my ego holds my back and supports me and my mission here on the planet.
Through deep inner work I have cultivated a Healthy-Expressive-Ego, or a HEEGO. Expressed fully it now helps me to leave a legacy each and every day and to contribute to the wellbeing of all, including myself!
When we cultivate a HEEGO, it becomes the fun-loving, full of life purpose-driven part of ourselves. On the other hand, if we don’t listen, it will express itself in much more unfavourable ways. By making ego our friend, we can make our creativity and our creative expression our partner and ally to truly create heaven on earth and positively impact everyone we encounter. The ego wants to create and make things happen. The HEEGO says Yes! Me Too! and wants to claim joy, feel pleasure and live life to its fullest.
It’s never too late to start cultivating a Healthy Expressive EGO. Start by making room for it by allowing more creativity in. Begin loving your earthly self instead of suppressing or making your ego wrong. Practise listening to its needs and look for creative ways to fulfil those needs in a healthy and loving way.
Some people call the ego “the shadow” meaning it’s one of those parts of ourselves we do not like. But why not bring our ego out of the shadows and illuminate it! Your ego is your filter and your earthly expression! It’s the one thing in the world that makes you YOU, how can that not be anything but beautiful.
Honour it, and practise to honour others ego’s too.
In Love. Madelaine ♥️